Marsh and I had a pretty good heart to heart talk last night. It was really nice, and refreshing. It seems like we rarely have time to sit and talk, which should be a priority. Mostly about how we both deal with stress. It's not a new revelation to me, but I tend to bottle things up, until I explode, cry, get irritated and lose all motivation to do the things I'm supposed to. You would see that looking around my house today. Yesterday I was feeling it. I was tired, depressed, and laid on the couch for 4 hours in the afternoon while my boys watched movies. There was so much to do around my house, but I just lacked motivation. In talking last night, I'm not sure how things are going to work next semester when I have 24 hours of clinicals a week plus a day of classes, and then the semesters after that when I have 32 hours of clinicals, plus a day of classes. (Mind you, I work 24 hours a week on top of all of this.) Something has got to give. I can't handle never being home, never seeing my family, and constantly feeling the stress. Marsh asked me last night how I do it all. Blog, school, work, family, church calling, Scentsy, home. I thought about it for a minute and realized that I'm not incredibly happy. I love being busy, and I feel like I'm superwoman and can do it all, but it's too much. It just is. I've really struggled on and off with my primary calling the last few months. I find myself getting home at 2 am from work, to have to stay up another hour or two, just to get primary stuff done. Then I put on a happy face on Sunday and act like I'm not stressed, when really all I want to do is sleep and cry.
Like I said before, something has got to give. The way things look right now, I will be working every weekend from January on until I'm out of school. I don't think I can do it. I don't think it's healthy for me, or my relationship with Marshall and the boys. Marsh and I are going to look at things financially come Janaury and see if there isn't a way I can cut back to 1 day a week, or possibly go prn. I would forfeit my tuition reimbursement from IHC if I went below 24 hours a week, but that doesn't really compare to getting to spend time at home.
For now, I'm so glad to have a good husband that will listen and work with me. I'm really a lucky girl.
Just had a lot on my mind. Not sure how much of this made sense and how much I was just babbling to get some things off my chest. Oh well. I feel a tad better now. Maybe.
11 comments:
dearest tiff the amazing,
i hear ya!! october first i officially went PRN and let me tell you how good that felt- like a huge weight off my shoulders. i know working less doesn't work for everyone. heaven knows bills don't go PRN (i wish). but if that's what it takes to be happy then do it. and don't worry about us... we'll just be sobbing in the corner because there's no way we can deal with running the ED!
Hugs to you! You have so much on your plate...I really don't know how you do it. Put your family first and it will work out. It sounds like going prn might be the best option for you, if it keeps you sane and gives you time with your family.
Didn't sound like babbling to me. That totally made sense. You are amazing and you do so much. It is great that you both discussed it and that you are honest about your priorities. Money isn't everything (which is sometimes hard to remember nowadays when it gets tight). More power to you if you can make what you have coming in work. Reimbursement shouldn't outweigh your opportunities to raise your kiddos - especially if you can afford to pay it back yourself on a good budget. Hang in there. You are so awesome and you deserve to be happy - so do what you can to get that. Pray, pray and pray about what your going to give up and then let Heavenly Father do his thing and it will all work out.
Good luck. :o)
Oh Tiff! I'm sorry you're so stressed. I can imagine with all you have going on! I probably have less than half of your responsibilities, yet I feel overwhelmed quite often. I don't know how you keep up! Just being a mom and doing my calling is enough to stress me out. If there is anything I can do, please let me know!
Yes I agree that you have had a lot on your plate. I often laugh at the mom's who say they are stressed that stay home all day.. God will not hand you more than you cannot handle. I have learned this through all of my trials. You know you have family to help you through this!! Don't forget there are such things as sick leave and vacation at work. I thougt it was awesome Marsh took the day off to spend with you. You may not have a lot of time to be together but remember when you do have time make sure it counts. Hugs! You are awesome.. even on only 2 hours of sleep! Don't feel bad about your kiddos.. how much do you remember from when you were 4 or 2? They will remember more when they get older.
That should have said God won't hand you more than you can handle.. haha!
holy cow! I could so re-late to you. When I was in school I did 24 hrs of clinicals/wk, 12 hrs of class, 24 hrs/work...plus I had a baby 6 months before I graduated. (so not planned) It's tough. Like you...I get depressed and don't do a lot when I'm stressed. I gave a LOT of shifts away. I think sometimes it's the only way you can do it. I felt that family had to come first and foremost. Also...bear in mind...there will be an end to this, and trust me, it is SO NICE when it comes. :) Good luck. Hope you figure it all out!
Oh Tiff i hear your pain. It would be hard to do what you do. I did school but I wasn't working, now I work but i'm not in school. Both those times were hard for me, but I coudn't do both plus house plus church and of course having time for family.
I think you will find a balance one way or another.
Take a deep breath and focus on one day at a time. Don't stress about what is months ahead. You have a fantastic husband and a great family and friend support system. Use them:)
Tiff you are super woman! What hospital are you working at? I work at IMC in Murray! How crazy we work for the same company?! Chin up you will make it. Deep breaths and lots of chocolate :D
Just sell the kids. Do what any good LDS person does and slack off in your calling. Hire a stunt double to take your shifts that looks like you and do Marijuana (that will relax you better). Oh, and cheat on your homework. Problem solved
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